


we've been here before (it's come back around)

by leannerd



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt Kaoru, Love Confessions, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Soft Kojiro, or is it???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 02:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30031626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leannerd/pseuds/leannerd
Summary: Sometimes it's easier to keep your eyes closed.
Relationships: Nanjo Kojiro | Joe/Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom
Comments: 23
Kudos: 237





	we've been here before (it's come back around)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! I wasn't planning on writing for this fandom, but damn MatchaBlossom just grabbed ahold of my heart and wouldn't let go. So of course I had to write this immediately instead of any of the other 52,000 Haikyuu WIPs I have sitting in my docs.
> 
> Big big big thanks to B for throwing out the concept and then letting me scream about it for two straight days before finally sitting down and writing it. I love you so much and your support and encouragement and validation is integral to me getting literally anything done. <3333
> 
> Title from Him by James Marriott
> 
> If you'd like to scream at me about skateboard or volleyball boys, you can find me on twitter @leannerd2
> 
> I hope you enjoy and I hope I've done these two justice for you. :')

Kaoru’s head aches.

 _Aches_ is actually putting what he’s feeling lightly, but the pain medication is just starting to wear off and he feels fuzzy and displaced in a way he can’t quite wrap his throbbing head around, so _ache_ will have to do for now. His tongue feels thick in his mouth and his arm itches under the wrappings and the sunlight streams across his closed eyes in an uncomfortably unfamiliar way. He’s not at home, but when he tries to open his eyes to survey his surroundings, the dull ache turns to blinding pain and he gives up before he’s really started.

He hears the door slide open and a voice, speaking in hushed tones and obviously trying not to wake him, drifts across the room.

“-be in until later tonight. You can handle things on your own for a couple hours, right?” A pause. “Yeah, thanks. Give me a call if something urgent comes up. Thanks.” 

Kojiro’s voice propels Kaoru back in time, to sneaking out of the hospital, leaving behind his clothes and his prescription and orders for any more tests they might have wanted to run on him. And to the restaurant of all places? Why opt for falling asleep slumped over the bar instead of in his room with its blackout curtains and his bed and silk sheets? He couldn’t say. 

Kojiro carried him to his bed after that, he knows that much for sure, even if he was asleep. He doesn’t remember it happening, but the thought feels right.

He’s overwhelmed by a sudden wave of nausea and he’s not sure if it’s pain or embarrassment or something else entirely.

Kaoru doesn’t open his eyes when Kojiro crosses the room and settles himself at his bedside. He’s awake, sure, but he hurts too much and his body feels both heavy and swimmy. The thought of merely stringing two sentences together exhausts him, let alone engaging in any sort of verbal sparring with Kojiro, easy as it usually is. And he’s definitely not ready for the barrage of _I told you so_ ’s that he’s sure are coming.

“God damn it, Kaoru,” Kojiro mutters. He sets something--a bottle of pills, likely his prescription, Kaoru thinks, judging by the sound--on the small table next to the bed. He smells like sandalwood and basil and shaving cream. “God damn it.” His voice breaks in a way Kaoru’s never heard before.

Kaoru wants to snap at him, to tell him it’s certainly not _his_ fault that he’d gotten his face bashed in with a skateboard, that _he’s_ not the one Kojiro should be cursing at. But part of him thinks maybe that’s not entirely true. 

Because he’d known, hadn’t he? That a beef with Adam would end this way? Even if he’d won, even if Adam hadn’t done what he’d done, Kaoru would never be enough. But he just had to see for himself, if there was any part of the old Ainosuke left, or if he was just Adam now. He’d known the answer before the race even started, and he’d gone ahead with it anyway.

And for all of Kojiro’s bluster and bravado, he had known too.

_Stupid._

_Boring._

Kojiro’s hand, overwhelmingly gentle, brushes his hair away from his forehead. His fingertips whisper along the edge of the bandage wrapped around Kaoru’s head. He wants to lean into the touch, to turn away from it. He wants to cry or scream or both, to punch something or curl into a ball for the foreseeable future. All options are unrefined, undignified, and make his skin crawl, so he simply stays still and wills his breathing to remain even and his pulse steady.

“You scare the shit out of me, Kaoru,” Kojiro says and god, Kaoru wishes he would stop saying his name that way. The broken tenderness in his tone hurts in a way Kaoru can’t put his finger on, so distinctly different from every other form of pain his body’s currently in it almost renders the rest of it moot.

“You’re so stupid sometimes, you know?” Kojiro laughs, a bitter sound, nothing like his usual carefree self. Kaoru wonders what the expression on his face is, if it’s soft or hard, if he’s angry or sad. He’s known him for decades and he still has a hard time reading him. 

“God, I just...you have to know I love you, right? Even you aren’t that dense.”

Kaoru almost breaks at that. He’s overhearing something he’s not supposed to, which is ridiculous considering the words are, somehow, directed at _him_. He’s paralyzed--not literally, no thanks to Adam, he thinks--but Kojiro’s warm hand petting absently through his hair, something he would probably hate if he were in the right state of mind to react properly to anything, keeps him still and quiet and-

Kojiro loves _him_. _Kojiro_ loves him. Kojiro, who flirts with anything that moves. Kojiro, who threw him in the ocean and ruined one of his favorite robes. Kojiro, who seems to have taken two teens under his wing in some sort of absurd mentor fantasy. Kojiro, who carried him to bed and picked up his prescription and sits at his bedside playing nursemaid, unqualified and clumsy as he is.

_What an idiot._

There’s a sudden dip in the mattress next to his head and if he flinches, it’s not noticeable enough for Kojiro to pick up on. Kaoru can picture him perfectly, head resting on the pillow next to him, just staring with those big, dumb, brown eyes. He’s probably smiling, he nearly always is, but if his tone is anything to go by it’s a sad smile, soft and wistful in a way he’d never let Kaoru see. Kaoru wants to open his eyes, but it hurts and, if he’s being honest, he’s afraid.

Kojiro loves him.

“I know I’ll never be it for you,” Kojiro says. He’s so quiet, and so close, and his breath is so warm against Kaoru’s skin. “I just wish...well I wish if it couldn’t be me, it at least wasn’t _him_.” 

Another harsh laugh, a little wet sounding, and the sudden realization that Kojiro is choked up or god forbid, _crying_ fills him with a sharp spike of...something. Panic? Sympathy? He’s not sure, but it makes his stomach clench painfully and his chest ache.

“You deserve someone better.” Kojiro’s voice is low, fierce, full of conviction. Kaoru’s not sure he believes him, but he believes that Kojiro believes what he’s saying. “You’re so talented, so fucking smart. You’re funny, even when you don’t mean to be. Especially when you don’t mean to be. You make my days exciting. You’re the most fascinating and infuriating person I know. And you’re a real pain in the ass, but, _fuck_ , you deserve better.”

Kaoru’s brain struggles to keep up with what Kojiro’s saying, but pain and shock make him slow and stupid and he feels ungrounded and unstable. He fists the hand hidden under the blankets into the cotton sheets of Kojiro’s bed and that helps a little. 

Then the pressure next to him is gone, Kojiro’s hand slips out of his hair, and the sense of loss opens up a brand new hole in Kaoru’s chest. 

_At this rate, there will be nothing left._

Lips press against his temple, soft and warm and barely there. If Kaoru had really been asleep, the kiss--if that’s what this is, Kaoru thinks it is, but the touch is so fleeting he can’t be sure--wouldn’t have woken him. But he is awake, and even with his thoughts muddy and hard to grasp, he’s fully aware of his pulse fluttering wildly in his throat.

“For what it’s worth, I’ve never thought you were boring. Not even for a second.”

And then Kojiro’s getting up and crossing the room before Kaoru can say anything. What he’d even say, he’s not sure. Don’t go? Did you mean it? It all sounds awful and pathetic in his head and he’s sure it would sound worse spoken aloud.

He waits until the door slides closed again and the lock clicks and he’s sure he’s alone before he tries opening his eyes again. 

Kaoru’s head swims. His vision’s blurry. And when he brings a hand up to his face, it comes back wet with tears.


End file.
